Kid Funnies

The Boys

Noah- 18, Matthew- 17, Jacob- 14, Nathan- 12

another dog


We told the kids that we were going to pick up my mom's other dog. She passed away in September. We already have Trixie and now we are going to pick up Dixie. Matthew & Nathan are excited. Noah just said "ugh" and Jacob said "ugh" as well and then I asked Jacob why he said that and his response was "because you'll make us let them outside" and I was like "so you have to OMG open the door to let them out and then totally strain yourselves by ......wait for it.........opening the door again to let them in?" and he said "yes that's it exactly".

monkey dreams

  Nathan just woke up. I asked him what was wrong and he said "The monkeys kept climbing and banging on my windows and kept me up all night." That must of been some dream lol


 Nathan-  Dozer sneezed in Jacob & Nathan's face this morning. They were so grossed out.  I told them to wait until they have sons and they pee on them, leak poop on them from their diapers, have to change a diaper and they vomit on you ALL the time!  Nathan said "that's what my wife will be for!"  and my response to that was "good luck finding a wife then"  LOL

muddy jeans

Jacob- I picked up a pair of muddy jeans and threw them in his laundry basket and he said "BUT MOM, those are my muddy jeans from last night!!" and I said "And that's a laundry basket!"  He looked so confused for a second and then said "oh yeah"  SMH!!


 Me- hey boys can you please empty the dishwasher?
Jacob- sure then can we do whatever we want to do?
Me- Sure as long as it's legal, you don't hurt anyone, don't break anything and are quiet!


I asked Jacob if he wanted some cheesecake. He said "no, I only like cheese on sandwiches!"

move out

Nathan told me that when he grows up he's going to take our house. He said he wants our bedroom and is going to turn his room into a storage room. Then he asked us how old we'll be when he's 20. I told him I'd be 45 and he said "good you'll be old enough to move out" What the heck??? LOL!! I said "no, YOU will be old enough to move out!"

royal baby

LMAO! Nathan "The baby is worth how much? WOW I'd sell the baby and be rich!!!", Me "honey, you can't sell babies it's illegal. That's just how much money they have or the baby has", Nathan "oh, I wish I was that baby", Me- "No, you don't" lol

noah's girlfriend

Jacob- "You should really talk to your girlfriend on the phone so she won't break up with you", Noah- "I do talk to her.",  Jacob- "But you are always playing XBox", Noah-"I pause the games"  

super size me

Noah watched Super Size Me in health class today. He said all the kids were grossed out but it just made him crave McDs and Culver's! Crazy kid!


good jeans

Matthew asked me "why do some people in their 40s & 50s still have their hair color and no wrinkles?" I told him because they take care of themselves and have good genes and dye their hair. He then asked me "Jeans? What store do they get them from? Why don't you buy me good jeans?" I kept saying "No GENES not blue jeans!" as he looked all confused.

math homework

Nathan- "Mom can I talk to your phone?"
me- "you could"
Nathan as he holds up his math homework- "well lets see if it can do these math problems"
me- "I don't think so!"


mail is boring!

We stopped at the mailbox to grab the mail on our way home.  Nathan said "There is only 2 pieces of mail in there."  I asked him how he knew that and he replied "I walked down to look and it was too boring" .  So he walked all the way down our driveway to see what was in the mail box and decided it was to boring to bring it back to the house!  It was a junk flyer and the cable bill!


keep your pimp hand strong!

Nathan heard this from somewhere.  He's 7 and came up to us and said "You gotta keep your pimp hand strong!"  What the heck!?!?


red robin yumm!

Jacob and Nathan saw the new Red Robin commercial where the boy is hiding behind the curtains in the girls room and gets caught. The girls dad walks and says the are going to Red Robin.  The boy says "yumm!" from behind the curtain and then jumps out the window.  Well Jacob & Nathan think the boy and girl are playing hide and seek.  Jacob  told Nathan to go hide, Jacob closes his  eyes, Nathan goes to the kitchen and then Jacob says "Red Robin".  From the Kitchen Nathan said "Yumm".  Jacob said "hey your in the kitchen".  Kinda funny how the boys interpreted the commercial.


nathan tummy gross

Nathan was complaining his stomach hurt.
He went to the bathroom and came out. "Mom I had a barf poop." I asked him how he did that and he said "cause my stomach hurted" So I then asked if he threw up out of his mouth and he said no out of his butt so I told him what he had was called diarrhea.


nathan and deodorant

me- "Nathan what are you doing?" Nathan- "putting deodorant on my elbows" 
he meant to say armpits!


grocery bill

Jacob found the grocery receipt yesterday from this past week. It was almost as long as he is tall! So he says "I'm not going to have 4 kids that would break my balls!"
So then he says "I'm only going to have 2 kids. Cost to much to feed them."
 Noah said he'll have 1 or 2. Nathan said he's going to have 100 kids and have 1,000 wives! Jacob then said "you must really love the boobies"
after I was done laughing Pete and I explained to him that saying "break my balls" isn't appropriate! Then we broke it to Nathan that he can only have 1 wife and she won't want 100 kids! 


game systems and getting laid

on our way back from the grocery store Matthew and Jacob were talking back and forth on what will get you "Laid" I'm not sure how this all started but I was LMAO!

Matthew said "Xboxes will always get you laid"
Jacob- "No, the Wii will get you laid. It's cooler"
Matthew- "Well You tube ALWAYS gets ME laid"
... ok so here I am laughing to myself trying so hard not to burst out laughing while driving...
Jacob- "My blankey always gets me laid"

ok so I start laughing. Then I asked them "what does getting LAID mean?"

Matthew said "you know laughing, happy, when I watch You tube I just put my head down and watch it and sometimes fall asleep"
Jacob said "relaxed"
Matthew then said the same..

When we got home Jacob & Matthew asked Noah & Nathan what gets them Laid.
Nathan said "well diamonds from Jared will get you married"
Noah said "well for sure playing video games will NOT get you laid"

Both Jacob & Matthew looked confused.



nathan & taco bell

Freaking funny! We were at Taco Bell and Pete asked Nathan to go order him 2 hard tacos & a meximelt. So Nathan goes up there and asks for "2 tacos & a mexican" so the lady asked "would you like it hard or soft" and everyone in there burst out laughing!! So Nathan ran back over to Pete and asked if he wanted his Mexican hard or soft!! LMAO!


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